Oh the sorrow I feel after the fact....
I attended a social gathering for a friends birthday over the weekend and what a mess I made of my diet! I totally went over board and boy do I regret it today. I was doing alright and staying away from the BAD snacks, until the cocktails were flowing a little too freely. I found myself standing in the kitchen dipping tortilla chips on a crock pot of chili cheese dip, oh and lets not forget the cocktail wieners wrapped in crescent rolls! Damn it!!!
I blew the whole week in one four hour period! What the hell was I thinking?? Oh yea, I wasn't! So now I feel guilty as all hell, and am trying to get myself out of the "self bashing" mode and fix my mistake. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know better and was fully prepared to behave...but when faced with the challenge I fail miserably.
Is this the life I am doomed to have? Are these the choices I will constantly have to battle? The answer is a resounding YES...but the key is to LEARN from my missteps and conquer the battles the right way. I am a smart gal, it shouldn't have to be this hard, I make it that way because I don't stop to think. So, now I have to find my triggers, what are the things that make me want to eat these obviously bad things? I know already that I am an emotional eater, but I am not always motivated by emotions. What are the other triggers? That is my next step in this process of losing weight and finding myself again.
Self awareness has always been hard for me, so this should prove to be a very difficult point to deal with. I feel lost a lot of the time, like I am not quite sure who I really am deep down inside. I feel like I don't have a niche, or a specific place that I fall into. I wear the roles that are mine, wife, mother, friend, sister... but WHO am I besides those roles? Here is where I start my digging, lets hope the hole isn't too deep, or this could take a while.
Well, this is where I leave it today. Back on track and staying positive is my goal for the next few days. I have weight check in two days, so I really have to stay on track...here's hoping I didn't gain thanks to my slip up!
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